@bees_wingz: I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I'm telling him that he is making me late for work and he's telling me that he is Batman.
@Cyd10e: 4 y/o: What's your job? Me: I stay at home, take care of you, clean, cook the food... 4: That sounds boring. Do you want me to fire you?
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
@Fred_Delicious: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! THOR: "here" IRON MAN: "here" HULK: "here" PHIL COLLINS - "here" ... ok Phil how do u keep getting into S.H.I.E.L.D man