@Bob_Janke: I was watching you while you slept. You look pretty stupid.
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@CruisinSoozan: Sometimes I shock myself with the smart shit that comes out of my mouth then other times I try to start the microwave with my debit card PIN
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.
@TheRolo: [1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?
@JB4Realz: INTERVIEWER: What would you say is your greatest weakness? ME: Well, for starters, I'm unemployed.