@Danny_Dilford: I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car
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@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@Tommytoughstuff: *gets pulled over by police* *shows a little skin* Officer: "Who's skin is that? Please step out of the vehicle sir."
@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.