@Danny_Dilford: I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car
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@patnspankme: This orange juice says shake well before drinking. *shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer
@Jesssicle: *brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* "Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."
@thepunningman: Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.