@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.
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@RealLucasNeff: [The Bachelor] Some of you will be getting roses tonight... [bee in the back] AW HELL YEAH
@bmarked21: From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I'm simply going to reply, "Hmm... I've seen better."
@JPHaddadio: Don't you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?
@NaaN_Conformist: Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.