@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.
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@VerifiedBIB: Had great idea for site for recent law grads called BarelyLegal .com. Turns out name was already taken. And their idea was much better.
@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]