@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.
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@Playing_Dad: Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now.
@stephenjmolloy: Barber: Snip snip snip snip snip. Me: What are you doing? Barber: I've lost my scissors and I was hoping I could trick you into thinking I was cutting your hair by saying snip. Me: I can see you in the mirror.