@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.
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@PinkCamoTO: Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.
@notalogin: The average person swallows 8 spiders in their sleep but it's actually one guy who's chowing down like 7500 a night to make the numbers work
@jonnysun: [trying to do standup] u kno whats funy– [someone yells 'society!'] nno– [entire audience starts laughig] wait [audience laughs louder] stop