@GianDoh: I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I'm back to square one.
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@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
@BarebakAssassin: In my 32 years this is what I've learned about women: 1.) "No" means no 2.) "Maybe" means no 3.) "Yes" means maybe
@rockymomax: [elementary school] BULLY: gimme your lunch money ME: no B: *grabs me by shirt* I said give it M: ok but this has to stop I'm your teacher