@GianDoh: I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I'm back to square one.
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@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.
@pleatedjeans: Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime? Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship Entire jury: OH SNAP
@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
@robdelaney: Reminder: Please just hit the "RT" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art.