@eddiesteadyno: I wasn't dropped as a baby, but I've been making up for it ever since.
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@JillianKarger: [Rose from Titanic teaching her kid to ride a bike] *holding back of seat* I'll never let go [2 seconds later] *lets go*
@TheToddWilliams: [date] HER: So, are you religious? FRANKENSTEIN: I'm part Catholic HER: Oh…your mother or your father? FRANKENSTEIN: My foot
@NicestHippo: WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?
@mattgallo123: "Don't be shy!" -people who don't understand how genetically determined character traits work