@MrsJekyllsHyde: I wasn't mad. Then you asked me 12 times if I was mad. Well, now I'm mad.
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@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@TheCatWhisprer: MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying