@Lisa_Laughs_: I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs
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@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?
@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window