@capnmcfword: I wasn't trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it.
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@KatWar1: [Commercial] *Camera focuses on a man choking on a whole apple* Narrator: "If only there was a better way?" [On Screen Caption] TEETH
@ClichedOut: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Incredible Hulk: Int: Hulk: Is that a trick question?
@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
@Ideal_Victoria: For fun I like to text all the men in my phone, "she has your eyes, can't wait for you to meet her" and then I sit back and wait.