@Thedudish: I wasted 400 years of my life trying to figure out if I was a vampire.
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@PandAmonnia: *boyfriend calls girlfriend* Bf: "Hey Babe, I love you!" Gf: "we're breaking up" Bf: "no we're not, I can hear you just fine."
@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed
@OBiiieeee: *i finally get a girl over* *dad rolls out from under my bed* YO SON WHATA YA CALL A PIG WHO DOES KARATE? "dad no" A PORK CHOP
@bobvulfov: absolutely disgusting that we as a society are still okay with people making hats out of cowboys