@monicaheisey: i watched a bunch of spy movies and developed this extremely accurate FBI floorplan
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@Reverend_Scott: SON: What will happen when I die? DAD: Well son, you know how all dogs go to heaven? SON: YA- DAD: You're not a dog.
@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...