@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"
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@david8hughes: [at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water
@EmmettScanlan: Mum: "OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!" Me: "Madness?! NO... THIS IS SPARTA!!" *Kicks Mum*..
@isabelzawtun: "weighing in at 129 lbs, here to throw down in a gown, to slay with a bouquet-" (Bride walks down the aisle, upset I mentioned her weight)