@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"
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@tastefactory: ME: [in front of mirror] Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary *Bloody Mary appears* ME: I'm moving today and need your help BLOODY MARY: Shit
@LostFelicia: I pack extra bags when I travel so I have room to bring back souvenirs, candies, hotel towels, the extra toilet paper, stuff like that.
@SaddestTiger: sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.
@Book_Krazy: "And why do you want to work at the aquarium?" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish