@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"
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@trentistweeting: "Go out there, kid! Make a name for yourself-" JAMARCUS McTHUNDERNUGGETS THE THIRD "Trent that's not really what i-" It's Jamarcus now
@pharmasean: Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song’s called "Für Elise” Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U
@bea_ker: *amateur magician does tablecloth-pulling trick, knocking everything over* Cat in audience: Oh, this guy's good
@capricecrane: People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.