@MikeyHill_: I wear a cape because I'm Super Broke
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@david8hughes: [phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."
@TheTalkingPipe: This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep.
@karencheee: Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.
@CourtneyBale: "Excuse me, do you validate parking?" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none.