@xLiserx: I wear a French maid's outfit specifically to get OUT of doing housework.
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@VanCityBlonde: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. I apologize for bringing it in here last night. There was alcohol involved. Can we keep him?
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@SnizzleFrizzle: 12: "Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?" Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child
@VeganZebra: WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less