@sweetandweak: I wear a neck brace to the gym because it makes my physical ineptitude less embarrassing.
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@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing
@TrueTorontoGirl: Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head.
@IamEnidColeslaw: may your fathers prosper. may your friends be uglier than you. may your exes get food poisoning
@JB4Realz: HER: I'm leaving! ME: Is it because I always put Doritos in your shoes? *she just turns & walks away* (crunch) (crunch) (crunch) (crunch)