@sweetandweak: I wear a neck brace to the gym because it makes my physical ineptitude less embarrassing.
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@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side
@DurtMcHurtt: Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating.
@HatfieldAnne: I shake you awake. “An octopus can create human-like, virtual elbows when feeding. Go back to sleep. I’ll tell you the rest in the morning.”
@hippieswordfish: when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent