@ReelQuinn: I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
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@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,
@Bob_Janke: Sorry baby I can't open the car door for you you have to jump through the window. There's a price to pay for being cool.
@ParaJanitor: I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
@headway10: Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"