@ReelQuinn: I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheBlessMess: Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
@SuperApple8: Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
@michaelshermer: Jesus died for our sins. But he was only dead for 3 days. So what did he sacrifice? His weekend. Jesus gave up his weekend for our sins.
@KentWGraham: Wife snake: Did you eat the last rat? Husband snake (shape of rat in stomach): What rat?