@ReelQuinn: I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
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@towelforacape: I say 'tomato', you say 'put your hands where I can see them and exit the vehicle slowly' .
@tiemespankme: I like long walks along the beach until the drugs wear off & I realize I'm actually crawling through the sand at the local construction site
@hippieswordfish: *erases 1 and writes 0 on the 'days without incident' chart at Earl's Discount Stilts and Ceiling Fans*
@heidi420x: "What'd you do today" "Went on a treasure hunt" "I hope you mean job hunt" "Treasure hunt" "You need to find a job" "Not if I find treasure"