@thepunningman: I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
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@Brampersandon_: *walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going
@natedog2049: Serial killers start their day by eating breakfast at McDonalds. Let me rephrase. They arent serial killers until they order & have to wait.
@looktothepickle: Girl, tonight I'm gonna let my body do all the talking.. *squishes flab together to make a mouth out of my bellybutton* HELLOOO! LA LA LAA!