@thepunningman: I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
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@AndLive2Love: We were making out on the couch and She's like "Let's take this upstairs" I'm like "Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"
@InternetHippo: 911 OPERATOR (female): What’s your emergency GUY (being murdered): Haha nothing what are you up to
@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade