@envydatropic: I wear lipstick when I go into Walmart so people know I'm not approachable or one of their kind
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@notacroc: Sensei: always expect the unexpected *pulls out picnic blanket* Me: *instantly pulls out picnic basket* Sensei: *hands me ninja diploma*
@FrogAvalanche: [two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] "Hi." "Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564β before it went supernova?" "Yes." "U still owe me $20."
@KellyMeldrum: My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry.
@neiltyson: What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight