@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.
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@handsock_butts: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS SE: -on your sub? ME: PUPPERONI
@myles_morrison: The power going out for 15 minutes is enough to crush any fantasy I have about surviving a zombie apocalypse.
@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.