@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DanMentos: [job interview] "Why do you want to leave your current job?" My boss is a total idiot "It says here you're self-employed?" Yes that's right
@unburdenunbound: Google would like to use your current location. Allow/Deny? Allow *100 Google employees throw a party at my house*
@WeissBrandon: When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.