@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joeljeffrey: My dad shouted "shut up idiots" to the cats. I told him "You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."
@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@LosLos__: Stop. Stop it right now. I'm going to count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. ~A parenting haiku.
@jazmasta: [Chumbawumba concert] 🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶 [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] "Aw hell yeah!"