@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*
@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed
@1_swarthy_dude: [texting] HotGirl: Help me ace the Periodic Table test tomorrow? Nerd: Selenium Neodymium Neon Tungsten Darmstadtium HG: ? N: SeNd NeWDs