@josh___grant: I wear my tattoos on the inside. Ever since having discount back surgery from a guy named "Spider."
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@Parentpains: My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
@bobvulfov: NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?