@josh___grant: I wear my tattoos on the inside. Ever since having discount back surgery from a guy named "Spider."
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@13spencer: A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
@Boba_Photo: 11yo: Daddy, why can't we get a dog? Me: I like our house the way it is. 11: What, small? Me: Go to your drawer.