@NateMorrising: I went for a job as a stunt double, I stubbed my toe on my way out the door. As soon as I stopped crying, I went to the interview. Bravery.
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@kittykaresless: Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired
@BlackJerms: At Twitter HQ J: Users haven't complained in a while, what's going on? Devs: Oh, we've got just the thing *releases update
@ChickenColeman: How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE
@oakhillbargrill: - How was school? 4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton