@NateMorrising: I went for a job as a stunt double, I stubbed my toe on my way out the door. As soon as I stopped crying, I went to the interview. Bravery.
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@LinajkReturns: Hottest day ever recorded in November and my neighbor is already installing Christmas lights. So don't send me a fruitcake. Already got one.
@yoyoha: How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything's going to be alright
@TheToddWilliams: [Emergency Room] MRS. PIÑATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR: We'll do what we can but *slurping on sucker* he's lost a lot of candy
@AndyAsAdjective: *sips some coffee & interrupts break room conversation* "Technically we're all under the weather today unless you're an astronaut in orbit"