@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
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@Gre_Gone: [Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?
@Thrill_Tweeter: Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?
@electrolemon: this harriet tubman news is gonna make it super awkward every time i purchase slaves in cash