@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
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@Ygrene: [Murderer enters my bedroom] Murderer: murdering time! Me: not today murderer (safely positions entire body under covers) Murderer: SON OF A
@Tmoney68: Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo.
@Underchilde: My girlfriend told me to “tread lightly.” So when I ran over her, I drove really slow.