@_TeaChap: I went on a date last night!nIt went really well...up until the moment the couple realized I was following them & promptly called the cops.
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@Loli_Sug: Me: Can you bring me a burrito Him: you want me to come over? Me: no. I want a burrito to come over.
@NoticablyBacon: Accidentally just told a girl that "she has a nice head" because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer
@InternetHippo: COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer
@huntigula: Winnie the Pooh: will u marry me? Piglet: for the last time, u don't get a literal "honey" moon Pooh: pls say yes I need to see for myself