@DurtMcHurtt: I went on a date with a dolphin today, we just clicked.
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@AbrasiveGhost: Wife: u can take Max to the park but ur not gonna wrestle other ppls dogs Me in a spandex singlet: Im 16-0 Karen I have a title to uphold
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives
@joejwest: COP: You seen an escaped evil octopus? ME: No COP: [looks up] Nice chandelier ME: Thanks COP: Why is it wet? ME: Um COP: And holding 8 guns?
@krisv_723: Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "