@DurtMcHurtt: I went on a date with a dolphin today, we just clicked.
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@rolldiggity: A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked.
@SoldHerSoul: Offering the floral arrangement as a meal to the gluten free, lactose intolerant, allergy ridden vegetarian is apparently not ok.
@pleatedjeans: [1st date] me: do you want kids? her: Yes me: GREAT [pulls 7 babies out from under table] HERE'S MINE HAVE FUN GOTTA GO
@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.