@_Shizzle: I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
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@Playing_Dad: *turns on shower* *shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure
@HatfieldAnne: I will not buy ornamental gourds this year! I WILL NOT BUY GOURDS! *buys all the gourds (and a hay bale)
@sip_at_home_mom: 2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store.
@FknVancouver: My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I'm starting to think he borrows it while I'm asleep