@LaurenRP: I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose.
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@Manali_Shetye5: Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure
@thenatewolf: *stuck in elevator with beautiful woman* I know it's only been 10 minutes but I'm gonna take a poop ok?
@Douchekevin: I'm the perfect man if you don't factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.