@hunz74: I went to a AAA meeting today and a guy celebrated 21 years. That is some responsible vehicle ownership.
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@thomasdynamic: You play the cards life deals you. They are Monopoly cards. You are a small pewter dog and you have won second prize in a beauty contest.
@MatCro: NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*
@Mikecanrant: When I take pictures of cheese I yell "SAY HUMANS!" and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry.
@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths