@omgthatspunny: I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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@Iwriteforcats: [Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
@_RealBlondeGirl: I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?
@AnOrangeSNES: *Buys a bunch of wooden letters* Cashier: Feeling crafty? Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.
@Leemanish: Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday 'cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.