@omgthatspunny: I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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@rolldiggity: Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn't make a funny, cat-shaped hole. Not even close.
@fro_vo: [romantic walk] Me: *turns to date* darling Her: *gasps* Me: *gets down on one knee* will you Her: omg Me: protest racial inequality with me
@BillArrundale: I'm not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to shit indoors.
@pondermymaker: Turns out the symptoms for "mild heart attack" are identical to those of "having a RL acquaintance make an appearance in your notifications"