@shegotagronk: I went to church today just to thank God I'm not Miley Cyrus.
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@MsSugar_Kisses: "You should leave your wife..." The secret note I leave on my husband's windshield every morning...
@TheAlexNevil: Fortune Cookie: You will go on a date with a beautiful woman. She could do so much better.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore
@ericsshadow: [guy who just got out of prison on a technicality] "what were you in for?" murder, a guy... a guy... "spit it out man" a guy, interrupted me