@Brentweets: I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I'm never going to be popular
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@krishna_van: Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
@Kyle_Lippert: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze it's like a little party on your face.
@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER