@david8hughes: I went to the movies with a girl last night. I paid for the tickets & the snacks, & anything else I can before she reports her card stolen.
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@tamytoo2: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me:I'm cute? Cop: Nope Me: you like my car? Cop: Nope Me: I could do this all day.
@omgthatspunny: My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
@FuckabillyRex: "Sorry, I have to take this call." "That's a banana. And it's half eaten." *covers banana with hand "I don't tell you how to do business."