@BuckyIsotope: I will be celebrating Columbus Day by setting sail for India, landing in Spain, and telling everyone who lives there to move out.
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@asanders1972: A 22 year old girl said to me "there's NO WAY you are 41" I put her in my pocket and took her home. She's mine now.
@ghostkrogh: fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha
@: Movie theater: Please silence your phones. Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*