@Dawn_M_: I will let someone cut the line I'm waiting in, but only if they let me braid their hair from behind.
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@einsteinsexual: Stereotypes are just like regular types, except every time someone almost kills me, while I'm driving, it's an Asian person.
@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.
@tastefactory: *slides into home plate and crowd goes wild* Hey everybody, be quiet for a minute! *pulls out phone, dials number* Hi mom, I got home safe.