@JohnLyonTweets: "I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you." -Liam Neeson opening a Where's Waldo book
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@jwoodham: Every time I go for a run I think "why am I even doing this?" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like "oh yeah, duh."
@UghNotAgain: Husbands. Can't live with 'em but have to take out the garbage and pay for everything without them.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: "Frozen" is on TV! Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download. 4: Yeah, but this one is on right now.
@BritXNic: Been told I'm a pretty awful human being. I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.