@form52: I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay
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@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
@illuminatedwndr: AA MEETING Chairman: Please, introduce yourself Eminem: Hi! My name is.. C: What? E: My name is.. C: Who? E: Hi! My name is.. C: Huh?
@abbycohenwl: Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
@mommywhitfield: "Honey, don't try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree," is a thing I literally just said.