@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Swishergirl24: The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?
@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact? Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.
@zachreinert03: I only eat free range chicken because I only eat food that was given the illusion of freedom before it was murdered