@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
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@dire_beard: [At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!
@Marcmywords2: She texted me, "I love U" So I texted. "I love U2.... Not their new stuff but from like the 90's" Now my CD's are missing. Weird!
@flashember: COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. "polargeists" [very sad robot noises]
@Tommytoughstuff: [Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* "When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."