@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
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@laabruzzi: *bumpes into my ex on the street *dials a number Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!
@murrman5: I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*
@Samzen_: All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women.
@samalmightysam: The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it's a Chinese product that's lasted more than a month.