@DesiJedeikin: I will never stop laughing at this
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@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
@Ygrene: [being murdered] Me: did you get that knife out of the dishwasher Murderer: …yes Me: and you didnt empty it Murderer: [murder roles reverse]
@RowdyBowden: Bouncy balls are super fun if you love to play with something very briefly, then spend 45 minutes looking for it in a shrub.
@Ristolable: It's not illegal to convince your child that she is the only person who can see the sun and must never talk about it.