@JimmerThatisAll: I will not rest until I've finished this nap!
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@Piecezilla: The weatherman said it's nice outside. I guess they don't let him watch the rest of the news.
@DrDogMD: NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?
@3sunzzz: [Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED.
@SondraDeeMe: [job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly.