@JimmerThatisAll: I will not rest until I've finished this nap!
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@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: what’s your greatest strength? ME: I’m good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?
@BobTheSuit: Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
@Just_Lee_: The world is full of terrible people, but there's none so evil as the man who fries bacon right next door to the gym.