@ClearlyUnwell: I will ride you like a helicopter. Totally out of control.
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@SatansTongue: *puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws
@foxnerdrn: I feel like my parents grossly overstated the number of times I'd be offered candy by strangers.
@onion_an: Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once