@Concertina81: I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
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@brennadine: OUCH I HAVE A FOOT CRAMP You're dehydrated [Walks on toes] Drink some water [Crawls on knees] Drink water [Lays on floor] Water- [Dies]
@MichaelLarrick: Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.
@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.