@jessokfine: I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children.
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@imagine_vegas: Still haven't cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different
@Storminika: "We don't have iced coffee" Me: "You have coffee?" "Yes" Me: "You have ice?" "Yes" Me: "Were you raised in a barn?"
@mallelis: we put a man on the moon but we can't keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.
@Brianhopecomedy: Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV and you can sleep for an extra hour.