@jessokfine: I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MatCro: SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane
@SortaBad: Pilot: Hi folks, I thought it'd be nice to speak to you out here instead of over the intercom. Unrelated, is anyone on board a locksmith?
@GianDoh: Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, "What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"
@Home_Halfway: I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance.