@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
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@Dawn_M_: "Women don't like me, idk why?" "Maybe it's because they sense you're a psycho who will decapitate their cat?" "No, that can't be it."
@Marlebean: "Say TGIF ONE more time" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, "Go ahead, say it again."
@CatherineLMK: I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
@d_duhwit: Wife*outside bathroom door*:"I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?" Me*pauses knitting*:"Uh, Ya"