@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
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@thenoahkinsey: *therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.
@Sickayduh: Top Gun (PG) - 1986 A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots' bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them - 110 mins
@IamEnidColeslaw: There is a dude in a fedora sitting next to you on the bus. Is he: A. a ghost hunter B. a virgin C. a sword collector D. all of the above