@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
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@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.
@skylerhanrath: [pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now
@Hobo_Splendido: For the low, low price of $14.95, I'll send you my instructional DVD, "How to Succeed as a Con Man."