@__candypants: I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
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@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@HavocMantis: Whenever I work out, I wear a push-up bra so I can do more push-ups. If I didn't, it'd be so embarrassing and people would laugh at me.
@hythemafia: *Food hits floor* Little Germs: "Let's get it!" King Germ: "No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"
@AlyssaDiSalle: Co-worker: "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours to k.." Me - "THOSE ARE BOOMERANGS, MICHELLE."