@__candypants: I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
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@ericsshadow: ME: these gummy bears are delicious WIFE: those are daily vitamins ME: *holding the couch over my head with one arm* I can't find the remote
@Dawn_M_: I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses.
@Keys_ToMe: I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, "um, these aren't mine."