@__candypants: I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
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@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her.
@notalogin: Sex is like lasagna - there's absolutely no reason for it to involve spinach in any form.
@MamaFizzles: Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.
@Floatersfinest: If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can't afford 3) Periods 4) Men