@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
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@CakeThrottle: If you own a small, anti-Kindle bookstore and it's not called Page Against the Machine, just give up.
@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions? Me: Is a personal shopper someone who just goes on Amazon for you now?
@wesleybordelon: Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?
@huntigula: fun prank: go observe the newborns at the hospital & if someone asks which is yours say "I haven't decided yet" while sobbing uncontrollably