@juliussharpe: I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea.
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@theshantilly: 10’s teacher: Your son has excellent grades Me: Cool Teacher: And a very sarcastic sense of humor Me: *tears up* I couldn’t be more proud
@Brampersandon_: DATE: gonna grab my jacket and brb. you look great by the way ME (whispering to my suit made of chameleons): hell yeah keep it up you guys
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Tony is coming round" Me: "Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?" Tony: "I'm here for the money." *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*