@robfee: I wish boxing was like wrestling so when the ref was distracted Manny Pacquiao would run in & hit Floyd Mayweather with a Stone Cold Stunner
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@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@huntigula: [texting w/ my nana] Me: hey! Mom told me you learned how to use emojis! Her: I ❤️ murder Me: well that's kinda wei.. Her: I will 🔫 everyone
@beliz69: Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, "Yes, honey I do."
@JohnMCochran: i want a reality show that's just footage of the losers' car ride home after family feud