@Thee_Mikey_B: I wish chlamydia was as hard to get as it is to spell.
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@DamienFahey: I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram.
@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
@SeanINCypress: If Batman doesn't wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared.
@DurtMcHurtt: This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself.