@Thee_Mikey_B: I wish chlamydia was as hard to get as it is to spell.
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@UnFitz: Wild horses could easily drag me away. In fact, a pair of determined guinea pigs could probably give me a run for my money.
@michaeldean0116: 'I like the smell of your meat' may not have been the best greeting to the hot waiter at the BBQ joint I picked for lunch.
@hippieswordfish: ME: help someone caught my wife in a big net 911: where M: between 2 trees in our yard 911:a hammock? M: idk what his name is just send help
@sixthformpoet: If you watch Twitter backwards, it's about millions of socially-awkward people gradually learning how to survive in the real world.