@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CelebrityChez: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag.
@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.