@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [God making water] "it helps plants" ANGEL: nice "cleans things" A: ok "u die if u don't drink it" A: "& drown if u drink it wrong" A: what
@KeetPotato: [in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: "they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there" god: [rubbing his neck] "see the thing is"
@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.