@beeftweets: I wish corn would teach other foods how to explode into a different food that's 10 times better.
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@Cllnsn: Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like "DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?" and then Rachel shows up and says "I got off the meth."
@GrowlyGrego: *knocks on door* You're too fat. "Wha--" You're way too dumb. "Wait--who.." Hi, I'm Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You're too poor for one.
@13spencer: One time I had a boss who called me while he was in the bathroom, and then he accidentally peed on himself, so sometimes good things happen.